The house looked the same; the yard hadn’t changed it was barren and dry. Cracks formed jagged lines through the top crust of dirt creating maps of different sizes and shapes throughout the yard. It looked as though it hadn’t rained for the ten years Carrie had been away. The Eucalyptus and Chinese Elm trees provided the only beauty giving the house a touch of grace. Small patches of grass poked through the dry earth under each tree. Branches draped over the old tin roof sweeping gently down the sides. Carrie could see lights flickering through the screen covered windows.
She walked up the stairs to knock on the door, but hesitated once she reached the last step. At one time there was a porch, not just five steps leading to a door, but her father had sold the porch making the house look even shabbier. She headed back out the chain link fence careful that the gate latch didn’t clang. She remembered as a child waiting to hear the familiar sound of the gate closing waiting for her father to come home. Her parents quarreled, but at least he was home… safe.
She stood outside the fence looking in for a long time and had decided to leave when she saw the front door open. She waited for someone to walk out. No one did, but the door remained slightly open.
“I hope my brother is here,” Carrie thought. “And a tree, I hope there’s a Christmas tree. I hope when I walk in, the house is filled with the scent of pine.”
She knew her mom was waiting for her to make the first move. It was up to Carrie since she was the one who left in a huff ten years ago. The scene played again in her head.
“You can’t tell me what to do I’m 18!”
“Then you should act your age Carrie. Please listen to me, I know what’s best. He’s too old for you.” Her mother never raised her voice, but Carrie knew she meant every word she spoke. She always had, and there was no turning back. If Carrie made a stand, it would be the last one she made… in this house anyway.
“Is that why you sent our father away? Because he wasn’t acting the way you thought he should?”
“You know why he had to leave.”
“I don’t, really. He didn’t drink that much. It was never a problem.”
“It was a problem; I couldn’t allow him around you while he was drinking.”
“And because of that we had to grow up living in a rat hole. I’ve been embarrassed my whole life living here!”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” her mother replied. “It was the best I could do. You sound like an ungrateful brat.”
“That’s it, I don’t need this,” Carrie stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Now here she was in front of the house she had called a rat hole, hoping her mother would welcome her in.
Carrie knew her mother was right. She knew it then and she knew it now. Her father was a drunk and she was a brat, but for some reason she couldn’t admit the truth…so she left.
Carrie walked over to the Chinese Elm to see if there was anything left of her tree house. A few rotted planks were all that remained, but there was a piece of wood nailed to the trunk, ‘Tree house built with love in 1956, by Carrie and Lynn.’ The tears wouldn’t stay in their place any longer. Carrie wiped them away, but they streamed on. Memories flooded her thoughts as the tears flowed. She remembered the songs they sang while she and her mom baked cookies. She remembered the aroma of fresh baked bread filling the kitchen when she got home from school. A bowl of soup and buttered bread, lovingly arranged on a flowered placemat, nourished her body and fed her soul. She remembered the long walks to the lake to catch pollywogs, her brother with a stick for a fishing pole slung over his shoulder. She remembered the time she had lost her only pair of good shoes at the lake and how her mother cried because there was no money to buy another pair.
Carrie realized how much she missed her mom and brother. With trembling legs she walked up the rickety steps wrapping her hand around the cold doorknob. She closed her eyes and pushed the door open. A scent of pine greeted her, but she kept her eyes closed. She heard movement inside, but still she refused to look. A furry nose nuzzled her hand as she waited and she knew it was Buddy the German Sheppard, she was happy he remembered her. Would she be as welcomed by her mother? Carrie took a deep breath and opened her eyes.
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