Cast: Woman in labor- (Sally)
Frantic
Brother
In- Law- (Jeff)
New Father- (Bert)
Sister in
Law (June)
Scene 1: Front porch of small house.
Early
morning
(Stage Direction: Doberman at open front door barking
Lady in bathrobe walking to the door
Pregnant lady at the door wearing a coat that doesn’t reach all the way
around her belly.)
(Pregnant lady presses her nose against the screen door
ignoring the barking dog. She has both hands holding onto her huge
stomach. Seeing June approach she starts
talking before her sister-in-law reaches the door.)
Sally: I know it’s early, but I didn’t
think I should wait any longer.
June: It’s six o’clock in the morning. (June tries to open the door, but Sally has
her body pressed against it, her tummy has made the screen pooch in.)
June: What the heck are you doing
here so early on a Saturday? Where’s Bert? (June forces the screen door open
takes Sally by the arm and brings her in.)
Sally: He’ll be here in a minute;
he stopped at the store for a shoe string.
(June walks to the
kitchen, Sally follows, they both sit.)
June: That’s nice; I guess you can’t have too many shoe
strings.
(June rises and goes to the counter for coffee then sets
a cup in front of Sally)
Sally: No thanks, I don’t think I’m
supposed to eat or drink anything till after.
June: Till after what?
Sally: The baby.
June: You aren’t going to eat for a
whole month?
Sally: Well, I’m hoping it won’t
take that long.
June: What are you talking about?
Sally: I’m hoping my labor won’t
last too long.
June: It’s a bit early to worry
about that.
Sally: Not really.
June Will you please tell me what’s
going on?
Sally: I’m in labor.
June: That’s not possible; you
aren’t due for another month.
Sally: I guess I miscalculated.
June: You can’t be in labor. The
room isn’t ready!
Sally: It’s ready enough.
(June quickly gets up and starts to pace.)
June: But I wanted to paint the
walls.
Sally: Better hurry.
(June grabs the Lysol, a rag and a bucket of water then
disappears into the bedroom.)
June: Wait there.
Sally: Where would I go? Shopping?
(June runs through the kitchen carrying a pile of sheets,
throws them in the washer than runs back to the bedroom. Sally moves to the den
and lies down on the sofa. An aroma of Lysol floats through the house.)
Ten Hours Later
(Stage direction: Sally is sprawled on the rumpled bed,
June is nervously pacing, Bert pulls a shoe string from his pocket and holds it
out to June.)
Bert: Could you put this in boiling
water for 15 minutes?
June: What do you need an old used
shoe string for?
Bert: I couldn’t find a store that
was open so we have to use the lace from my shoe.
(Bert holds up his shoe to show it has no lace.)
June: What do you need it for?
Bert: To tie off the umbilical
cord.
June: You waited ten hours to tell
me you need a shoe string and you’re going to tie that dirty old thing around
the umbilical cord?
Bert: That’s why I want you to boil
it for 15 minutes.
June: What! You did research and
know that 15 minutes will kill all the germs?
Bert: It’s all I have.
(June hurries to the kitchen and dumps her junk drawer
onto the counter, finds a pack of shoe strings and brings them to Bert. June
unwraps the shoe strings and holds them up to Bert. They’re about 12 inches
long.)
June: Is this long enough?
Bert: They still have to be boiled.
Sally: What’s all the pounding?
June: Jeff is working on the
plumbing.
Sally: Under the house?
June: That’s where we keep it.
Bert: Did he turn off the water?
June: Of course.
Sally: Does he have to work on it
right now?
June: Excuse me, he’s nervous. We’ve
never had a baby before.
Bert: But we need a pot of water to
boil the shoe strings.
June: I’ll be right back.
(June runs to the kitchen, grabs a pot than runs to her
neighbor’s house and pounds on the door. No one answers. She jumps off the
porch, finds the hose, fills the pot, then goes home. She puts a lid on the
pot, the pot on the stove, then returns to the bedroom.)
Bert: How long will it take to get
the water hot?
June: I don’t know, it’s a big pot,
maybe 30 minutes.
Bert: But she’s crowning, I don’t
think we have that much time.
June: You didn’t really think all
this through very well did you?
(June runs back to the kitchen, pours half of the water
into a bowl and puts the bowl and the laces in the microwave for ten minutes.
She’s talking to herself out loud.)
June: How much water do you need to boil a skinny
shoe string?
(June runs back to the bedroom. Just as she enters Sally
gives out a holler and a wet soppy baby is lying between Sally’s legs. )
June: Oh my!
(June runs back to the kitchen grabs the laces with a
pair of tongs then runs back to the bedroom with the dripping laces held out in
front of her. From the front door they
hear.)
Jeff: Okay, the water’s back on.
(Stage direction: June is standing next to Bert, he
hands her the newborn, she wraps it in a blanket and hands it gently to Sally.)
June: Here’s your beautiful baby girl.
Sally: She is beautiful, isn’t she?
(June sits on the bed near Sally, her back is facing
Bert. June and Sally coo over the baby. Bert wraps something in newspaper then
taps June on the shoulder and hands it to her.)
June: What’s this?
Bert: The sac.
June: Sack of what?
Bert: You know the thing the baby came in. The sac.
Sally: It’s the placenta June, we need to get it buried.
(June stands up holding the damp newspaper away from
her.)
June: It’s dark outside.
Bert: Take a flashlight.
June: I guess you better get right on that Bert, there’s a
shovel in the garage.
Bert: I thought you would take care of it.
June: You thought wrong.
Sally: Bert, just go dig a hole, I’m too tired to listen to
you two argue.
June: There’s no argument here!
Bert: But, don’t you think I should stay with Sally?
June: No!
Bert: But I need to get her cleaned up and into dry clothes.
June: I doubt she’s going anywhere just yet.
Sally: Bert, please just do it.
(Bert reluctantly takes the bundle from June and walks
out the bedroom door. He meets Jeff at the front door.)
Jeff: What ja got there Bert?
(June hollers from the bedroom.)
June: You don’t want to know Jeff, just get him a shovel.
(Jeff takes a few steps back. His face turns red, he
starts to sweat.)
Jeff: I hope that’s not what I think it is.
Bert: Of course it’s what you think it is. Now, would you
please get me the shovel?
Jeff: Why?
Bert: I want to bury it.
Jeff: Not in my back yard you aren’t.
Bert: Fine, I’ll bury it on the side yard. I don’t care
where we bury it as long as it’s at least three feet deep.
Jeff: I don’t think it’s legal.
Bert: You don’t think what’s legal?
(Jeff hangs his head and whispers.)
Jeff: Bert really. Why are you getting us involved in this?
Bert: What am I supposed to do with it?
(A loud cry comes from the bedroom)
Jeff: What was that?
Bert: What do you mean what was that. Where have you been
the last 13 hours?
Jeff: Under the house mostly.
Bert: Why were you under the house?
Jeff: I was trying to keep out of the way.
Bert: Yes, but why were you staying out of the way?
Jeff: There was a lot of noise and screaming and stuff.
Bert: So you know we just had a baby?
Jeff: I know that was the plan. I didn’t really like the
plan, but I didn’t have a vote.
Bert: So if you knew labor was going on in your house I
would assume you expected a baby to arrive eventually.
Jeff: Yes I did. But I didn’t expect to see what you have in
that newspaper.
(Jeff steps back even farther)
Bert: What do you think this is?
Jeff: I don’t want to think about it.
Bert: Have you ever seen a baby being born?
Jeff: No.
Bert: Well, they come in a cute little sac and that sac has
to be buried.
Jeff: So what your saying is, there’s no baby in the paper?
Bert: You thought I was going to bury the baby?
Jeff: What else would I think? I heard all the hollering, it
didn’t sound good.
Bert: You have a lot to learn my friend. Now get me a
shovel.
(Bert follows Jeff to the garage for the shovel and
flashlight. They both walk outside to
dig a hole…on the side yard.)
